Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.
— Oscar Wilde.
This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.
Mind Over Matt(er)
Mind over matter – ‘The use of willpower to overcome physical problems’
How often do you find yourself, sat there, procrastinating about wanting to do something? If you’re like me, then, well, the frequency is far too often. The word I am going to use here is motivation. I believe this is the key to action, whether it be housework, studying, exercising, blogging (ahem) or any of the other tens of activities we had planned in our minds the night before, it all comes down to motivation. We trick ourselves too often; you’ll be laying in bed, processing all those tasks you’ll get up and complete the next morning, believing that ‘ah it’s fine, I’ll do it tomorrow’ is a statement that you always follow. Yet, you wake up several hours later, when the sun has risen, with a completely different frame of mind. ‘What was I thinking? Meh, I really can’t be bothered to do anything, today’. Is this what they mean by ‘night owl’ or ‘morning lark’? The night owl comes alive at night, feeling creative, motivated, inspired…but of course, it’s too late in the day to pursue any of these thoughts. So, you plan in your head that, tomorrow, you’ll accomplish these goals, objectives or aims that you’ve convinced yourself you’ll conquer. In essence, you’re stuck in this loop of never actually achieving anything, because your nightly thoughts are always lulling you into a false sense of motivation, as your mind is reset overnight.
You end up in a deep sense of self-pity. ‘Ugh, I’m so lazy, what is wrong with me?’. I’d like to point out, there is nothing wrong with you. Human nature dictates that you make your life as easy as possible for yourself. If that means crashing on the sofa, snacking to your favourite Netflix series, then so be it, this is easier and probably more enjoyable than getting up and doing something that requires energy. The important matter here is to treat these sofa sessions as rewards, and not the normality. A reward for all the hard work you put in earlier in the day.
Breaking the cycle. Upsetting the routine. Finding the motivation. All terms used for turning your life around, whether it be just for the day, a week, or the amount of time needed for your objective. You’ll need to crack the system in order to achieve these. It feels kind of obvious, that the first step is to rip off that band aid. Climb that mental barrier which has been blocking your path. Get up and do it. In my case, with this blog, just start writing. If it’s exercise, step outside. If it’s housework, choirs, then start small, simply get the hoover out for example. I know, your brain is telling you that it would be easier to do nothing. Brain, you’re right! In the short term, I’m doing just fine relaxing, thanks. The problem here is that short term becomes long term, because the routine of relaxing becomes the norm for you.
Don’t overdo it. Often, over time, jobs build up in our minds and it can become overwhelming. You convince yourself you’ll get it all done, but the reality is that you won’t even begin, because you’ve put too much on your plate. Break it down. Prioritise. Cut down your tasks, perhaps highlighting the easiest ones that can be ticked off within just a few minutes. If it’s a big assignment you need to do, then allow step one to be just preparation. If it’s a written task, jot down some notes, write down the title. If it’s a physical activity, get changed into the attire needed. If it’s housework, prepare the tools. Don’t force yourself to act out the assignment, don’t picture the task as a whole.
Step two. Dip your toe in the water. Write a paragraph. It doesn’t have to be the first paragraph (is there one part of the piece that you feel you know best?). Physical activity – step out the door (in your gear, preferably). Housework – turn on that hoover (the noise itself might shock you into a state of motivation….no? Well, I tried!).
Step three. Execution. Woah, it’s okay! This isn’t the part where you cut your own head off, even if that does feel easier than pursuing your goal (in which case, stay away from your knife draw…). Repeat step one and two. How do you feel? If you still think you’re not ready, don’t worry, like I said earlier, don’t force yourself. If step one and two went okay, then why keep at it, see how far you get? Execute your plan.
Distractions/positive enforcements. Move your phone out of a reachable distance. Turn off notifications. Don’t allow yourself to be sucked into social media. Do not put the T.V. on. Visual distractions are the worst. Sometimes, you’ll become so distracted that you forget what you were trying to achieve in the first place. Music is good, if it’s upbeat (unless you like to blubber to Adele whilst hoovering, go for it!). Make sure you have a playlist though, otherwise you’ll distract yourself by choosing the music every few minutes. Put a reward in place, something to strive towards. For example, tell yourself that if you complete said task, then you’ll allow yourself that session on the sofa. You earned it, instead of self-pitying on that sofa because you crashed there without attempting any tasks.
Now, this is all very much easier said than done. This is where ‘mind over matter’ comes in. You can’t achieve any of what has been said already, without a strong mind. The only thing stopping you from doing something is your own thoughts. Again, your mind telling yourself that you can’t be bothered is perfectly normal. Your mind is formatted to take it easy. Changing that trail of thought from a relaxed attitude, to that of a positive I’m-going-to-get-up-and-do-this attitude, takes real courage and determination; to essentially climb ‘over’ the physical problem (matter), using your ‘mind’.
Let’s consider what it is that actually motivates you? In my instance, it’s other people that inspire me to pursue my goals. Whether it’s witnessing them being motivated, achieving their dreams (if they can do it, I can too, surely!) or by others simply giving me feedback or compliments, that’s always a mental boost. This is a philosophy I believe in; if we are all kind to each other, help each other out where we can, then we’ll all be able to create a togetherness which strives each other on.
“Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunshine of praise” – Jess Lair.
Praise injects a real sense of self purpose within me. It makes me feel loved, like I’m heading on the right track in life. And, from this, stems motivation. I couldn’t have started this blog, or have gone speed dating, or put myself out there more, without the backing of my friends and family. So, I dipped my toe, I started the blog, I signed up to speed dating…I took the first step. The outpour of praise was great! It really spurred me on. Unless you make a start on something, take that plunge, leap of faith, then you aren’t opening any doors. You may feel safe contained within yourself, but you are limiting your capabilities at the same time. I know it’s something we’ve all heard before ‘until you try, you don’t really know, do you?’. I guess you can’t accept this until you are ready, mentally. If you’re not there yet, don’t panic. It’ll come. I do need to suggest that you give it consideration, though. Think about it, as in, some serious thought. You’ll be battling with your demons, who will be wanting to hold you back, keep you in your ‘safe’ place, I understand that. Perhaps you’ll be pleasantly surprised by the outcome, if you did summon the courage to ‘do it’? I guess you’ll never know until…okay, you get where I’m going with this by now!
I’d also like to add, that if you did dip your toe in the water, and it didn’t feel good, then don’t worry! There is still hope. I’m going to focus on physical activity for this point. So you’ve been meaning to hit up the gym/go jogging/swimming etc for some time now. You finally decide to get out there and do it *thumbs up*. Twenty minutes later, you are in agony, knackered, conscious of others around you judging you. The demon inside will be making you feel silly ‘see, I told you, you were never made out for this’; he’s just wanting to remain in your safe zone. Please re-consider. Of course, the first time is going to be scary. Your body has been thrown out of its layer of comfort, the odds were always on that it wouldn’t be the most enjoyable experience, first time around. Do you realise, though, that you broke down a barrier, just by trying it? Focus on this. Don’t let those aches, pains, anxieties put you off. They’ll fade over time.
Love yourself. Sounds pretty cheesy, I hear you! Admire your own courage, bravery, determination. Appreciate yourself, for who you are, for getting this far in life. Even if you are still in that unmotivated sofa stage, that doesn’t matter, you can still think of things that you love about yourself. If not, then ask a close friend…focus on the positives that they see in you. Build from that. Focus. Focus on those positive thoughts. Control your mind, keep those demons at bay…you can do this!
To summarize, the willpower to overcome physical problems is constructed through motivation, in my own opinion. Teaching your brain to act in a positive manner is key, and only you hold the key to applying this. Others have the ability to help you on your journey to a positive mindset, and you can use their support as a building block. They can only get you so far, though, and from then on, it is solely down to you to achieve all of your goals, aims, targets that have been catching cobwebs in your mind. Perhaps this blog is just a friendly reminder that you are awesome, each and every one of you, and you have the capability to achieve so much. You just need to seize the day, grab that opportunity when it comes, reach out, if needed. Start small, wherever necessary, and build on that first step.
If you’ve made it this far, then fear not, the end of this blog is nigh! Now I’m going to ask you to go and do something, maybe it’s something you’ve been putting off for a while, maybe it’s catching up with that loved one, or if it’s just rolling out of bed and doing those dreaded dishes…the possibilities really are limitless, once you’ve discovered that it is indeed, MindOverMatt(er).
Oh, hmm, I guess that means I’m off to take my own advice. Where do we keep the hoover, again?
BONUS SEGMENT!
When I’m playing football, I often forget to focus on the ball. I’m so concerned with my surroundings; I get stuck in this rut of watching the ball and not actually trying my best to get involved. I need to constantly remind myself to keep focus, and I’m going to relate this to motivation. You’ll often forget/ put aside your targets, ambitions etc, during the hustle and bustle that is life. You’ll get caught up in social issues that make you fearful to pursue your desires. You’ll have to take a step back every now and then, take in, appreciate what is in front of you. Focus on what you really want, and not to let others dictate or shape your life. If I want the ball, I must go and get it. Yeah, I’ll hope to get a helping hand every now and then, I’ll be passed the ball (given some positive encouragement), but essentially, I have the biggest influence on myself (going out there and chasing down goals, pun intended).
Get up.
Focus on the positives.
Love those around you.
Love yourself.
Learn to control your mind.
YOU GOT THIS.
SPEED DATING
THE PROLOGUE
Before I digest the speed dating event by itself, I just wanted to give you a background as to what might have led me to this point. A point in life where I finally became comfortable to take a plunge, to take a shot in the dark and to put myself in the firing line of all these single ladies. I may go off course a little, but I will try to round all my thoughts up to circle back to how it reflects my dating/relationship history. I’ve actually gone much deeper than I first envisioned, but the emotions took over me and I felt the context was needed to fully understand my frame of mind.
In my youth, teen years, I was always very shy. I always had lots I wanted to say, don’t get me wrong, but I always had this anxiety of being shot down by those around me. I had a good band of friends, sure, although I never really felt like I could I speak my mind, to a full extent. So, taking a back seat in social circles, a back seat in school lessons, I became a very good listener. I enjoyed listening, and through listening it shaped the way that I view society. I feel like I understand people, and from that i believe i have developed good people skills. I see you. The problem here is, I am way too trustworthy. I always tend to see the good in people, give them a chance, or one too many, and this eventually gave me major trust issues. Like us all, I have had my fair share of trusts broken. I have learnt that people can be greedy, selfish and go to great lengths to protect themselves. Is this just human nature? Are we bound to put ourselves before anyone else, to survive in this world? I would hope not, and I truly believe there is enough good in the world to overcome this selfishness, this devil inside of us all which wants nothing but to live and go to extreme lengths to ensure it gets its way.
Now, this makes me feel uneasy when it comes to meeting someone. How do we trust this person so easily? Love is often blind, love does not recognise crucial matters, it builds an illusion of a perfect partner, and one we will go to great lengths to defend. Many of you will have found ‘the one’ by now, and I have many happy couples in my life to know that true love is very possible. While I’m here, can I congratulate you all. You all threw yourself into the deep end, opened all your defences to allow the other person into your life. You showed courage and bravery, and I’m sure you and your partner have worked extremely hard to keep your relationship flourishing to a point where you have achieved total trust within one another. As a side note, that is my dream. To succeed in finding that one person who gets me, accepts me, my flaws and my annoyances, sees past everything and finds my soul. My soul which is hurt, but is also full of so much love. Can you see what is happening here? I have been so intent on finding ‘the one’ over the years, that I have set my bar way too high. I have been in some good relationships but have freaked out at the first sign of imbalance. My commitment issues have been at the forefront of me not finding someone. My insecurities have stopped me in the past, they’ve developed excuses for me to avoid social events where I might meet people. I’ll be frank with myself; I haven’t given myself the opportunities to meet someone over the years. Whether it be my shyness (unable to show my personality in a relationship), my trust issues (I like you, but can I trust you?), or, at the opposite end of the spectrum, where love has blinded me and allowed someone in who ends up breaking my heart.
I’d wager that the main reason I am single right now is because of my inability to get out there and meet people. Let me explain. Once I became old enough to paint the town red (go out drinking with my friends), I’d always watch as they meet girls on the dance-floor, at the bar, out and about, and easily allow themselves to connect with someone. My problem was, they were drunk, the other person was drunk, neither of them of is thinking straight, is this what they want? I felt this way. I would be slightly drunk (yeah, yeah, stop lying Matt, you’d very intoxicated after shots of slippery nipples and bloody mary’s!), and this confused my feelings. I never felt I could trust the other person under the influence of alcohol. My insecurities would lead me to believe they didn’t want to meet me and were only doing so because of their own mixed feelings. A one night stand has never been my thing, i guess i wanted something serious at a young age and a night out was not the most suited time for finding something serious. In a nutshell, I was never open to meeting someone on a night out, or at least, my anxiety didn’t allow that. Then, there’s meeting someone socially, during the day. Again, my shyness overcomes me and I’ve found it difficult to get my words out. My mind would often be racing with thoughts, but I’ve struggled with the process of expressing them. And so, I’ve been unable to connect with people this way. Perhaps it’s just bad luck that I haven’t met anyone yet, or perhaps it’s through my own undoing. Then there’s my love of romance films, you know, the ones with all those happy endings and seemingly impossible to imagine scenarios where people meet and just hit it off. I have always desired these situations, and I guess they do happen in real life, too, but I have become so obsessed over the years with a ‘perfect meeting’ that I have perhaps just given up, how can that happen when I am unable to let myself go?
I’m going to mention briefly, the loneliness which comes with being single. I won’t go too deep into this, however I feel it’s important. The longer I have been single, the more alone I have felt. The more I have secluded myself from society. Loneliness eats at you, it makes you feel not worthy, it makes you feel insecure. You’d scroll your social media news feed and see everybody else’s ‘perfect’ lives, you’ll wish you had that and with each passing day, you’ll sink further and further into loneliness. I had a dark stage in my mid 20’s with this, and I am forever thankful for coming out of the other side of this grim tunnel. This dark tunnel full of terrible nightmares, waking with terror, this tunnel of sadness and self-pity. The feeling that nobody loves you and you’d just wallow within yourself, watching sad TV programmes and hitting that sad music playlist button, to try and find a comfort which ironically just made things worse, without realising at the time. The loneliness would make you question if you’re better off alone; who would even want to be with you and your pathetic existence?
I think I can pinpoint the day I started to turn myself around. It was my 27th birthday, and after receiving such wonderful gifts from family and friends, I decided to take myself out for the day for a little mind decluttering and mental health detoxing. Once I arrived, after a train journey of thoughts, I felt a small weight lift off my shoulder. Watching people out and about, they all seemed kind, I was noticing positive aspects, and I even interacted with some strangers who were also very friendly. I can’t really explain what happened that day, but it was certainly a day I was thankful for. I felt something within me change, perhaps a small release of built up emotions. Now, the following years were still a struggle somewhat, but my nightmares had all but disappeared, my outlook on life had become brighter. September 2017, I went on my first date in years. I matched with someone online and found the courage to arrange a meeting. This was a big step. Whilst the date was nice, we were clearly world’s apart. That’s fine, at least I was now willing to put myself out there. A couple of months later I met someone else, and after several dates I began to like this person…only to suddenly never hear from them again. This was a bit of a kick in the teeth, in all honesty. There I was, ready to accept, and just like that, my confidence took a massive dent. My trust issues came running of the closet. That sounds silly, it was only a one-month thing, but it really hurt me.
I have been rebuilding ever since. In the last few months, I have reconnected with an old friend, and they’ve really helped to encourage me to put myself back on the map. It’s a push I have needed, and with their help, I’m at a stage now where I am becoming more confident. In fact, it was them who suggested speed dating, and whilst I tried to think of excuses not to go, I signed up. I guess it was also that new year feeling, ‘new year, new me, this is my year’, which usually only lasts a few weeks before I’d lose motivation and end up back where I was. This year feels different. 2020. Is this the year?
For those of you who are currently feeling a little blue, don’t worry. I don’t feel I actually did anything to change my state of mind, it just…happened. Over time, the scars healed, the confidence grew, the fears lifted. Perhaps I did begin to love myself, a little. That’s important. We are all beautiful creations. Think of the impossible past which has led you to being alive in this moment. Well done, you made it here, you know? Be thankful for all your ancestors, be thankful to all your friends and family who have supported you, and I cannot stress this enough, be thankful to yourself. Ultimately, you have the power to control your destiny, and if you look at what humans are capable of achieving….well, my friend, the world is your oyster. If it hasn’t happened for you yet, then hang in there, champ! I believe in you! Just sprinkle a dose of self love and your journey to happiness might well begin.
SPEED DATING – THE EVENT
Date – 04/02/2020
Location – Mambo, Taunton
Cost: £15
(A question for you to consider: Do you think there were more males or more females present?)
I booked this event online mid-January, after advice from a friend: – ‘what have you got to lose?’. I gained a certain amount of adrenaline from this, knowing that in a few weeks I would be living the experience. Having been on only a handful of dates in the previous four or five years, booking this did take a lot of courage, although signing up to the website and paying £15 really wasn’t much of a choir. New year, new me, and I was feeling a lot more excited than I had originally imagined (to be honest, when I booked it, I probably thought I would just flunk out last minute). My plan was not to overthink this event. And so, I put it to the back of my mind, until a week before where I started to construct some preparations. Which questions shall I ask, how shall I greet them, what should I wear etc. The thing that gave me the most anxiety was the arrival and the ten-minute break in between the event. I know that once I was sat down on the dates, I would be okay. For example, what do I do when I get there, considering sign in is fifteen minutes before kick-off? Do I stand around circling my thumbs, looking aloof, do I mingle, even though I’m going to be going on dates with some of these people? And then the ten-minute break in between, what would I do with myself there?! Ugh, now you’re overthinking Matt!
The day had arrived. I Was feeling super confident. Helped by the fact I had already got my blog up and running, I had already received lots of love and support, I actually found myself raring to go! Weird, I really couldn’t picture that, less than a month ago. Just before leaving, a friend popped by with a piece of luck (literally, a stone which is traditionally supposed to bring luck). I decided to walk to the event, to take some deep breaths and prepare my mind for what was to come. Squeezing the stone tightly, wishing for luck, I arrived at Mambo precisely for signing in time. Mambo is a lovely bar/restaurant with a peaceful ambience during the day which transforms into a popular night-goers destination on a Thursday, Friday and Saturday night. There was no sign of life (i.e. the representative for the night was nowhere to be seen) so I headed to the bar to order a drink. Sure, now I was starting to feel a little nervous. The guy next to me, at the bar, asked the barman where the speed dating would take place. This was my opportunity to mingle, and not to be stood around awkwardly. I ordered my drink (Old Mout Cider – the barman’s choice for which flavour to go for…surprise me why not!) and got chatting to this fellow. This was a rather strange experience; it felt like you were asking this person the same questions you would be asking on the dates to follow. I guess it was an unusual sort of warm up to prepare your vocal cords and ease your mind into the process of conversing with complete strangers. After a couple of minutes of small talk, one of the girls arrived, I presume she heard us talking about the event and took her opportunity to mingle, too. This was even more awkward, an unwanted triangle of conversation, feeling left out when they were talking to each other, yet not really wanting to talk too much to her as a date was to follow. I did ease up after a few minutes, allowing myself to open up and join in the conversation naturally. We all did begin to feel more comfortable and few laughs and few awkward silences later, we were called upstairs to where event would be taking place.
I was at the front of this line, so was the first to greet the event representative as everyone gathered for a quick debriefing. This enabled the first opportunity to scope out your competition and to eye up any potential matches to come (hmm, there seems to be a real shortage of the female variety in attendance…?). Here, the rep explained that there are six tables numbered one to six. The females will stay at their designated tables, whilst the males will rotate clockwise, every four minutes (the duration of the date). Okay, so there are nine males and only six females, better up my game then with plenty of competition out there! I also felt a little bit underwhelmed, the website had advertised ten of each sex would be present, although i guess they really cannot help it if people decide not to turn up. I don’t know if it’s just me, but I found this bizarre. I would have thought that speed dating appealed more to the ladies of this world? Maybe it’s coincidence, maybe it’s me being out of touch with the dating environment, either way, I wished the numbers were reversed. Anyway, that was just a slight dampener, but I didn’t let it affect me (after all, it just meant I had less dates to worry about). I placed the number one sticker (*insert cool face emoji*) with my name on, onto my denim jacket, and waited for the others to collect their own stickers. We then strolled over to our tables as we collected more information. It was explained that, as one of the girls was in a wheelchair, and there was no wheelchair access to the upstairs (the rep looked a little embarrassed), her and one other girl would be seated downstairs.
I sat down at the first table, joined by my date. This was the girl who I had previously met at the bar downstairs. Now I was a little unsure as to whether we should be conversing straight away, given that we were told to wait for the bell so our date could begin. But, as not to be sat around in silence, we started with the date. This was very convenient, as we began to find we had plenty in common the more we dissected each other’s hobbies and interests. The bell rang but we were already well into our stride in terms of the date. Phew, this was a very settling start to the night, just what I needed to calm the nerves and become more relaxed. The conversation flowed naturally, and I was feeling a connectio… *BELL RINGS* Ah god dammit!! Okay, now that was a quick four minutes! Here I should mention we were also given little notebooks, with a pen, when signing in. The idea was to jot down some quick notes after each date, so you wouldn’t forget who was who by the end of the night. This confused me a little, as I didn’t know whether to jot these notes whilst I was still at the table or wait until I moved onto my next date. With a guy waiting to sit at my table, I assumed the latter. So I paced to table number 2, sat down and got ready to take some notes *BELL RINGS* whaaaaat, help meeee! I asked my date if I could have some seconds to write down some things (I guess the females had time to make notes when the men were switching tables) and I quickly realised this was probably a little rude as it was eating away valuable seconds. So I splashed a few key words on the paper and placed my book to one side. This date felt a lot more formal, whilst we had lots in common (she had my dream job as a journalist/ football commentator) I never really felt any chemistry. Still, we always had something to talk about and she seemed really nice. The conversation was flowing before the bell rung again and I was forced to move on to date number 3. I decided to ditch the note making this time as not to intrude on this date, as I made myself comfortable whilst greeting with a soft handshake. I was instantly attracted, my eyes gazing upon hers warmly, as I proceeded with my usual ice breaker question; ‘If you could wake up tomorrow and visit any country, to see any band or artist perform, which country and performer would you choose?’ Teehee, sure, this is a tough question for anyone on the spot, and I watched intently as her mind scurried to try and find an answer. Sadly, she couldn’t think of one, and the date began to diminish the longer it went on. It was clear we were not well suited for each other, although I did enjoy her stories about the army and deep-sea adventures. The bell rang, in relief for the first time. Except, it was now break time! We both had half full glasses of alcohol, so we had no reason to visit the bar (no escape from this one, Matt!). I suggested we carry on talking, anyways, and reluctantly or not she agreed. It was a nice enough chat, and I thought I may have well as make the most of this experience in any case; I would gain more out of conversing, than not.
The ten-minute break had passed, and I rotated over to date number four. It had been mentioned by date number three, that date number four was her friend, who she came with, so I was a little bit apprehensive as I sat down. Ahh, it was a joy to behold that I was welcomed with the most glorious smile! The date seemed fun, bubbly, and also interested in me, which was a really nice feeling. Sadly, we were pretty far apart in terms of hobbies and interests, and as lovely as the date was, I wasn’t sure if we were a match or not going forward. We exchanged pleasantries as I left the table and eagerly made my way downstairs for my final two dates. The dates were still in progress, presumably having not heard the bell, so my arrival was met with confusion. I sympathised with date number five, it was much colder down here, and it felt a little bit secluded from the rest of the event. Nevertheless, it was a welcome change of scenery and date number five was very much my type. She seemed quite shy, so I was happy to take up conversation starting duties. After a hesitant beginning, we soon made a connection, and wow, did it blow my mind! Her favourite film was Titanic, I mean, come on, what chance did I have, she may as well had wrapped up my heart and stuck it in her pocket at this point, she could do no wrong! We then found more in common and just as I started hearing wedding bells, they were taken over by the sound of the other bell, instead. Me and this bell were not friends, anymore. With date number six, we enjoyed bundles of laughter. I don’t think we stopped laughing the whole way through, in fact, as I let loose all my charm and humour into my final few minutes of the event. She was an absolute pleasure to be around, although the attraction wasn’t quite there for me.
Now I joined the losers table, with two other guys who also didn’t have a date to go on (nine males, six females; may i ask that you do the maths!). This was my next twelve minutes, sat around exchanging needless chit-chat with other guys who joined me at various times. Ah, I forgot to mention! At the back of the signing in queue at the start, I glimpsed upon a friend I knew from football! Small world, huh? He joined me at the table for the last four minutes of the event, and we enjoyed a nice little catch up. Strangely enough, we talked about how our team might be folding at the end of the season, and well, the very next day it did! Spoooooky. I was also grateful for his appearance, as he told me I had got some of my dates muddled up in my notes! After minutes of total chaos trying to figure out just what on earth I had done wrong (I’ll definitely need a solution for note taking, if I did this again!) we managed to correct the girls to their relevant numbers, but everything was so scrambled I couldn’t make any sense of it all anymore. It was highly embarrassing asking the rep for another notebook, to be honest…
The dates had all finished, and the event rep now told us what should happen next. The following morning, we’d have to log in to our accounts and from there we will ‘tick’ the people we would like to see again. If they tick you, also, then you would get a match and be given their details to further communicate.
It seemed as if most were happy to hang around and mingle some more. However, it was pushing on 10pm and I had work at 5am the next morning, so i wasn’t particularly able to stay any longer. I said my farewells to everybody, the females each receiving a kind, warm hug, and the guys a more macho handshake. I left in high spirits, feeling great about myself. I had a few potential matches amongst the dates I had been on, so I was rather keen for the next morning to arrive so I could log on and ‘tick’ the ones I would like to see again. As soon as the email came through, confirming the system was now ready, I raced to the website to submit my ‘ticks’. I decided I would like to meet two out of the six again, ticking their boxes and then refreshing the site every hour in anticipation of a match or two. As it turns out, four out of the six girls would have liked to have seen me again (I would call that a success, myself!), although I had just the one match. I noted the details and messaged her later that night. Sadly, I never heard back, so I didn’t achieve a second date from the experience. With that being said, I gained an incredible amount of confidence, especially considering I managed a good score of four out of six ticks!
Would I recommend the event to anyone else? 100%. As I mentioned earlier, what do you have to lose? Where else would you be able to meet six or more single ladies within one night? The venue was excellent for such an occasion (although I did feel bad for the two dates who were away from the main action), the host was very welcoming and informative, and the range of different personalities at the event was especially nice.
What does the future hold for me? I’m not so sure. I have certainly been given a huge boost from the experience and will hopefully be more engaging with the female of the species in times to come. I am currently on a highly recommended dating site, although i’m having no such luck on there at the present time. I guess this leaves one thing, Matt. Get yourself out there, go to social events, be more open to things.
New Youtube Account!
Hey all! Please subscribe to my new Youtube channel ‘MindOverMatt’. As the video explains, i will be running this account alongside my blog, as a way to further communicate and perhaps add a visual aid to the topics i discuss. Many thanks!
KAISER CHIEFS REVIEW- At Birmingham Arena (25/01/2020)
Reading time: The whole day – 12 mins. Or scroll down to The Kaiser Chiefs section for a 6 minute read.
Me and my sister booked tickets to see the Kaiser Chiefs (supported by Life and Razorlight) in Birmingham (at Arena Birmingham, Sat Jan 25, 2020) back in June, as an early celebratory event for her upcoming birthday. I can’t say that i have really listened to KC much since my teen days, but my sister had seen them at various festivals in the past and recommended they’d be great to see. I did enjoy some of their earlier music, so i was more than happy to tag along, especially considering ticket prices were rather enticing.
1:50pm: We had arranged to set off at approximately 2:30pm, however our eagerness and anticipation to get on the road (and to increase chances of a parking spot) led us to leave much sooner. A last second decision to grab my thick coat would turn out to be a wise one. Into the car we climbed, as my sister set up her sat nav; destination loaded and an artival time of 4:08 had been estimated. In the meantime, i suggested we jam out to some KC on our travels, to give us an idea of some of the tunes we should be expecting in the night.
The forecasted conditions of overcast did not fail to deliver, with the clouds becoming much darker and thicker as we progressed along the M5. Firstly, it interrupted our views of the The Severn Bridge (a motorway suspension bridge that takes you across the border and into Wales), a view which is always the first major look out point during any trip north. Secondly, the stunning countryside haven which usually greets you as you enter the Midlands was virtually unseeable. The adventure along the 122 mile M5 route was stress free, nonetheless, with traffic running smoothly the whole distance. Even venturing into the busy streets of Birmingham was relatively painless (although people crossing busy roads and cars pulling out in front of you seemed the norm around here) and we made it to the parking complex without too much complication (although a white hummer we had seen earlier was now in front of us, clearly making a wrong turn towards the car park and almost hitting into us. It took sometime reversing away from the taxi rank it was blocking and the inevitable beeping of horns blared). The first parking spaces became available on the third level, not so bad at all, as my sister reversed into the most convenient space, and at 4:06 (two minutes shy of estimated arrival, high five sis!) we had reached our destination.
We scrambled out of the car, finally able to give our legs and back a nice stretch to relieve some of the uneasy posture that occurs during long car journeys. We followed our noses along the canal and into the heart of the action surrounding the area near the concert venue. It must have been symbolic that no sooner had we questioned where to eat, our eyes met ‘Wetherspoons’ on the side of a building just up ahead; nothing quite beats home comforts! This particular chain was called ‘Salmon and Cutler’, and we entered with hungry stomachs, quenching thirst. Clearly nightlife starts early in this area, the pub was booming and whilst we waited for a table to become available, we sipped our drinks and watched the football on the T.V. On my sister’s way to the toilet, she found a couple of unoccupied seats at a table which overlooked the majority of the pub. Ideal! We made ourselves cushty (are you sitting comfortably? Why, yes!) and proceeded to order our food. 10oz Gammon, eggs and jacket potato was just what the doctor ordered for me, as my sister opted for her favourite 11″inch pizza with customized toppings.
After a 45 minute wait (and my dissatisfied tummy leading me to question at the bar if they had forgotten our order) our food was brought to us, and the opportunity for a free pizza was turned away as they came with one too many. The people behind us were pleased, noticing we didn’t take the chance for free food as their pizza was finally delivered to their table. We tucked in, delightfully cutting into my delicious gammon as my sister chomped on her nicely decorated pizza. With the plates more or less emptied and some time to kill, we waited in the warmth of the pub, whilst watching the football on T.V. (Hull v Chelsea, which proceeded a couple of cheers earlier from me, my team winning 2-1!). Observing the pub was far more entertaining though. It was really enjoyable to watch the people come and go, the life and soul of different groups of people. The pub filled up and calmed down in scatters, but ultimately became much louder as time passed. There was a group of 20 something Brummie lasses singing ‘we love you Villa, we do!’, accomponied by a choir of ‘we got John McGinn!’ (an Aston Villa reference) by the lads just across from them. Meanwhile, a couple of beer-full-men joined the girls to spice things up a bit, ‘up the Albion!’ (a rival team), and now the pub was in full voice, the chanting raising the atmosphere within the pub to a level that never simmered. This annoyed the pub manager, who darted from behind the bar to warn the ‘John McGinn’ boys of their expressive behaviour (not the girls, though, who instigated the chanting…).
Also in the pub was a handful of girls celebrating a birthday, all dressed in leopard, except for one in red check who cleared missed the memo, and a bunch of lads getting on the jagas (getting pumped for their Krept and Konan concert at the other big venue in Birmingham, the O2). Finally, it just couldn’t be a Wetherspoons bar without a guy spilling his drink over himself or a young lady falling over, both happening within moments of each other.
6pm. Time soon passed, with me and my sister thoroughly entertained from the antics we had witnessed. We headed off for the less than ten minute walk to the venue, and after a quick heads up from a steward as to which entrance we should use, and with the shortest of queues, we made it inside. My sister was straight through the ticket scanner and detectors, but that luck did not carry onto me, and after a quick pat down and less than intimate cupping, i joined her in the merch and food component of the arena. It was relatively quiet at this stage, with support act ‘Life’ not kicking off until 6:50, but we were happy to find our seats and make ourselves at home with plenty of time to spare. With our seats found (Row JJ, 100, 101) at the right side of the arena, quite high up and with a decent view of the stage, we decided to take a walk around the surrounding parts of the complex, one last stretch of those legs. Declining the notion to purchase any KC merch, my sister had a craving for the pick & mix sweets stand that was proving to be extremely popular. No surprise, the selection was enormous, circling around a big stand which eventually led to the tills. The clever marketing technique here is that you fill your bag as you queue, ‘oh go on, just one more scoop’ was echoed by many as they moved closing to paying. My sister already knew she was ready to empty her bank account, upon first joining the queue we witness purchases of £18 and £24. This is just a bag of sweets, mind! With a few words of caution on the way round from me (you’re welcome), my sister had enough willpower to only collect £6.95’s worth, pretty good going on the grand scheme of things if you ask me! With thaaaat being said, i was happy to fork out £14 on two alcoholic slush puppies, a strawberry and raspberry gin for my sis, and a vodka alternative for myself (these were very refreshing, definitely worth the money, ahem). My sister caused an unknowing to her, slight nuisance just after, shipping £2.20 for a standard bottle of water….without a lid. Carefully balancing our drinks and belongings, we headed back to our seats, soaking up the atmosphere in excitement for what was to come.
LIFE
6.50pm: Right on schedule, the first support band made their way onto stage. ‘Life’, a post-punk band from Hull, consisting of four members, three male; “LIFE are everything you could possibly want from an artist – politically astute, angry, intelligent, gritty and air-punchingly brilliant” God is in the TV “Brilliant” The Guardian “LIFE combine inescapable energy with unshakeable hooks” is a brief description given by a quick google search. To be fair, they were quite good. I can certainly agree with the ‘inescapable energy and unshakeable hooks’ element, the music was face paced and catchy, whilst the male lead was buzzing around stage, probably in awe of playing in front of his biggest audience to date. His slightly awkward dance moves, and strong political lyrics (F### THE TORIES!!) were a little unnecessary, but overall i enjoyed their music and it was a fun-filled opening thirty minutes for the night.
RAZORLIGHT
7:50pm. After a half hour interval, Razorlight were next to don the stage, greeted by a rapture of cheering and applause; whilst the venue was perhaps only three quarters to capacity at this point, i can imagine many also came to see Razorlight, both them and KC went storming to the charts around the same time. In 2006, their hit song ‘America’ reached number one, accompanied by titles such as ‘In The Morning’ and ‘Before I Fall to Pieces’ which also recieved huge success in the charts. These were also the only three releases i had heard before, but i was quite fond of them so was ready to be pleasantly thrilled. Razorlight, fronted by vocalist Johnny Borrell, began their set with ‘Rip It Up’, a song which die-hard fans will recognise from their first ever album. They quickly got the crowd going, blasting out popular hit ‘In The Morning’, before returning to a couple of songs from their debut album in 2003, ‘Stumble and Fall’ and ‘Golden Touch’. They then shot forward in time to a more melodic tune in ‘Carry Yourself’, their last release from latest album ‘Olympus Sleeping’, before again returning to songs from their very beginning, ‘Vice’, ‘I Can’t Stop This Feeling I’ve Got’ and ‘In The City’. Following that was the more well known ‘Before I Fall To Pieces’, proceeded by two lesser known songs ‘Back To The Start’ and Don’t Go Back To Dalston’. The penultimate track was ‘Somewhere Else’, which hit the dizzying heights of number two back in 2005, before ending their act with their most well known song, ‘America’. There wasn’t really that much detail to go into between all of that. They were decent, sure, but other than their well known songs, i couldn’t really get my head bopping too much; their performance was hands down upstaged by what was to come. So, without further adieu, onto the main event….
KAISER CHIEFS
9:10pm. ‘Kaiser Chiefs’, an English indie-rock band hailing from Leeds, consisting of five band members including lead vocalist Ricky Wilson, came roaring onto the scene back in 2005. Smash hits such as ‘Oh My God’, ‘I Predict A Riot’ and ‘Everyday I Love You Less And Less’ from their debut album ‘Employment’, all climbed into the top 10 of the UK top 40. Their next album release, ‘Yours Truly, Angry Mob’, featured the number one anthem ‘Ruby’, and aggressive but well known single ‘The Angry Mob’. Since the deliverance of the latter, they’ve released five albums between 2008 and 2019. These have all gone under the radar somewhat, sadly, and the single ‘Never Miss A Beat’ is the only to hit the top 30 in the charts, scoring number five.
Like the two acts previously, they were on stage slap-bang on time. A huge reception welcomed them, as the venue was now almost full to the brim. Our seats were perfect for an overall visual of the whole arena, and it did look very impressive at its maximum peak. The first thing i noticed was their excellently designed set and costume. The curtains drew up and a backdrop of ‘KAISER CHIEFS’ was lit up in big ever-colour changing LED bulbs and a hand-made built building called ‘Duck’ (a nod to their newest album of the same name) was accompanied by all five band members standing on top, making a strong and pleasing visual to the eye. The ‘Duck’ building was placed nicely alongside a big screen, which displayed plenty of colourful motions during the performances of their songs, and lead member Ricky Wilson was dressed in a powerful white and black attire which fitted in well with the layout.
Their ensemble began with their most recent song, ‘People Know How To Love One Another’, only one of two tracks released from the 2019 aforementioned album ‘Duck’. This was a very upbeat start to their proceedings, a very fast, catchy tune, guided by exuberant animations on the big screen. They followed this up with another title from the same album, ‘Golden Oldies’, reminding a large portion of the grown up audience, that they are all indeed, golden oldies. Their third performance of the night was ‘Na Na Na’ arguably their fastest moving song which instantly gave me ‘QOTSA – Go With The Flow’ vibes. Ricky got the crowd involved for the first time, allowing them to join in the lyrics, which were surprisingly easy ‘Na na na na na’…well you get my point! After that, 2005 hit ‘Everything Is Average Nowadays’ bellowed around the arena, before a slightly heavier, but just as head-boppy rendition of 2014 track ‘Factory Gates’ got the crowd buzzing.
Just as we were all adrenaline pumped, the performance took a slightly more sombre turn. This was to the delight of the standing fans in the middle of the floor, though, as Ricky made his way through the flock of supporters to the centre, where a small stage had been set, consisting of one lamppost. Here, they played two newer releases in the form of ‘Parachute’ and ‘Target Market’. These songs were more low key, but nevertheless just as enjoyable. This was helped by a camera on the end of Ricky’s microphone, which projected his mugshot onto the big screen; You felt a real connection to both songs this way, as you captured the more emotional vocals perfectly. Following this, he pulled one lucky female fan up onto the stage with him. After a bit of banter with her and the crowd, jokingly admitted he could get free merch t-shirts (she paid £20 for hers!), they proceeded to play a game to determine which song to perform next. The fan was met with a pool of ducks (a reference to their new album) and a fishing rod, for a game of hook-the-duck. Fortunately, this didn’t last too long as her ducking skills were far above average, grabbing a duck within ten seconds. ‘Thank you Very Much’ was selected, a track from their ‘Yours Truly, Angry Mob’ album, which hadn’t been played live since 2017. After more interaction with the fan and crowd, the song got underway, although from their high standards it was probably my least favourite one of the night.
Ricky made his way back to the main stage, and ‘Coming Home’, their only track to reach the top 40 since 2014, was played and this began to get the blood flowing once more. Banging anthem ‘Everyday I Love You Less and Less’ was next up, and here the first mosh pit was created. Aided by cool strobe lighting effects and stringy material launched into the crowd, the party really began to get into full swing. This perhaps peaked with the addition of the next song, ‘Ruby’, their only number one hit in history. I was having a great time, every detail of the performance coming together to produce a masterful display of the arts. ‘Wait’, ‘Modern Way’ and ‘Northern Lights’ were the next trio of songs to hit the audiences delighted ears, a trio which wasn’t quite as adrenaline fueled, but nevertheless extremely catchy. A more grungy title in ‘Never Miss A Beat’, their second highest chart effort was up next, before ‘Don’t Just Stand There, Do Something’ from 2019, blasted around the arena.
As the performance was drawing to an end, they unleashed energy fuelled hits ‘I Predict A Riot’, which of course, started a riot in the mosh pit, and ‘Angry Mob’. At this point, the lighting was insane, the singing was sharper, the drums were heavier, it was impossible not to be having a good time! They seemed to have said their goodbyes, leaving the main stage to go and sit, chill out on top of the building. The hyped up crowd began to leave, in small gatherings. I thought that was it, too, but much to my delight, they came back out for an encore. Sure enough, the fans were ecstatic! They performed three final songs, two of them upbeat melodies in ‘Record Collection’ and ‘Hole In My Soul’ which had an addictively good chorus. Their last act was ironically, their very first release back in 2005. ‘Oh My God’, a comparison to most of the audiences reaction; “‘Oh My God i can’t believe how good KC are” or ‘”Oh My God please don’t ever leave the stage”.
10:20pm: The main lighting lit up the entire arena, and we knew it was time to collect our belongings and slowly make our way to the exits. Perhaps one last moment to soak in the atmosphere, one last memory of what was just witnessed! A slow but steady human-traffic-filled walk back to the car greeted us (i let out a chuckle as vendors were selling their t-shirts cheaper and cheaper the further we moved from the venue) as we hopped in the car to chill out for the first time in hours. It took about half an hour for the car park to empty, making a late night even later. A quick toilet stop at the first service station (i hadn’t broke the seal all night. Not gonna lie, it felt good!) before the two hour poke back home. We played ‘Life’ through Spotify, which definitely kept us awake, however they sound much better live.
2:00am: We made it ho..zzzzzz.
Re-upload Of ‘AnXiEtY’ Poem – Behind The Scenes
I didn’t really want to start with a deep, meaningful upload, but i feel the need to track back in time and explain some things you may have seen from me in the past. Once these are out the way, i’ll throw some varied content out there, so it’s not all doom and gloom! Hang in there!
Mid 2019, i was going through a rather difficult time in my head. After a strong couple of years, where i had been coping well, staying strong and positive, i suffered a slight setback. On this occassion, instead of keeping everything trapped, i decided to unleash the venom inside; this mildly dark collection of negativity. I really wasn’t sure what i had to gain from this, perhaps an unwanted call of ‘oh what an attention seeker’, or ‘man up, get over it already’, as that’s certainly what the demon inside my head was telling me. Yet, to my absolute pleasant surprise, the angel shone through. There was an outpour of positivity in reaction to the poem, a collectiveness within my Facebook community; one which understood, supported and most importantly, communicated.
Clearly i wasn’t alone (i’ll point out at this stage, that i was inspired by a couple of my friends’ recent posts on the same topic, they gave me the confidence to take a leap of faith and drizzle my thoughts on to paper). People power works. All it takes is for one person to step up, and others will follow. So i did….and it was the best thing i could have done! It released so much that was building up inside, i just felt this uppermost sigh of relief, a chance for a fresh start in my mind. You would hear the expression ‘talk, if you’re feeling down, just talk to someone, we are all here for everyone’. I was very skeptical at first, and pressing the submit button to publish my poem to the world was extremely tough. But i was brave. In the face of adversity i showed courage.
I still have my days which are difficult, like most of us do, but as a whole, I’m so much better since coming out of the ‘mental health’ closet.
Below, is a copy of the poem. I have written in brackets extended thoughts on each segment, how i was feeling at the time, or how someone in that situation might be feeling. I wanted to try and capture not only how i felt, but also to understand how others may be feeling. From some of the feedback i received, i did just that!
AnXiEtY (The title is disordered, chaotic, uneven; a nod to how our minds can feel sometimes)
Shall I remark hello or just shy away?
(Starting conversations, ugh, that’s opening up a can of worms! Sometimes it’s easier to just smile)
Because I’m just too nervous at what I might say. (What if i say something negative? Something unusual? Will they be worried? I’d rather avoid something like that)
If they reply back, what happens next?
I want to talk but these thoughts make me feel too perplexed. (How much information do you share? Do you blabber, do you keep it short and simple, do you open up, put up your defence…all these thoughts racing within a few seconds)
So I avoid eye contact and just carry on.
But what if this came across as rude, is our friendship now gone?
(After all, i just ignored this person, but i didn’t mean to! It was just easier this way…)
I constantly think about our next meeting, (Now the pressure is really on, i can’t ignore two times in a row)
How is it that we shall be greeting? (A smile or words?)
I beg for them to stop me and chat,
This way I can nod along, be interested and all that. (I’d rather listen to them, then have to talk about myself)
Oh no, they just asked how I am?
Why does it matter, although I’m happy they give a damn. (I’ll just lie, say something nice, but at least they had the courage. Mental high five!)
I’ll reply with some mumbled words hoping they’ll leave me be, (I’ve said enough)
This anxiety has a hold of me, why can’t they see? (More irony here, as they probably do see, but it’s that seed of doubt within everything that causes the anxiety)
My phone vibrates as my friend is concerned,
I saw them in the street earlier but away I turned. (Again, it’s easier to avoid than to confront)
There are so many things I want to tell them,
How they’ve always been there for me, what an actual gem! (Love you, really)
But I’m feeling too unstable with every vibration, (The more they want to talk, the more pressure i feel)
If I let it go to voicemail, I can pretend there is no complication.
I’ll see them tomorrow and I will gather the courage to speak,
However in reality, I’ll panic and just freak. (Conversation would go fine in reality, but those negative thoughts eat away…)
I sit here in my room, wandering why I am so alone,
Yet I know the reason for this, so I’ll let out a groan. (I’m avoiding conversation, yet i want conversation. That’s just silly, right! Doh!)
Scrolling through my social feed, wishing I was a part of their interesting lives, (They all seem so happy on Facebook, how do they do it!)
I should make some plans, but it’s here that my anxiety thrives. (Again, it’s that nervousness about not holding myself together in the public eye)
I have so many desires, aspirations and dreams,
But my thoughts are out of control, and my voice screams. (Will i ever get through this?)
To cope with this ever present attack,
We must try to refocus, take a step back. (Just realise that we are all fighting our own battles, and don’t be afraid to face yours with everyone else)
Perhaps the person across from you is feeling the same,
We should always acknowledge each other, not just place the blame.
(Talk is therapy)
Because those who really care will not judge your actions, (You have to come to terms with reality, people do care and it’s just your own mind suggesting otherwise)
As long as you approach them with good intentions. (Be nice, and the world will smile back)
Find your strength from within, I know it is there,
To live your life without fear, that’s only fair. (Don’t beat yourself up over things, and don’t worry about the things you have no control over)
The next time you feel uncomfortable and you want to despair,
Take some deep breaths, we all need a little air. (This really works for me. It made sound like a sigh, but really I’m just controlling myself!)
Compose yourself, try something new, (upload your thoughts through poem on Facebook, anyone?)
Maybe you will find the solution, that is deep inside of you. (If it’s broke, fix it. Don’t let it rot away, be proactive and try to figure a way to solve!)
Every now and then, try to reach out from your comfort zone,
Hopefully one day you’ll begin to adapt and not feel so alone. (It’s just one day at a time, you got this)
Just once in your life, maybe you can feel some relief,
From this burden lurking over you,
Be strong believe. (Hmm, that’s easier said than done, but it’s better to try and be upbeat than to rest on your laurels)
I just want the chance to show everyone my true personality,
Not to keeping living, with this wretched AnXiEtY.
Introduce Yourself (Example Post)
This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.
You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.
Why do this?
- Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
- Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.
The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.
To help you get started, here are a few questions:
- Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
- What topics do you think you’ll write about?
- Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
- If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?
You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.
Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.
When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.
